I think I might have done one of these in the past . . . very corny, I know. I bought my own domain name (www.alvinso.com, very original huh?) and will be blogging there. Xanga, we've had a good run . . . the past 7 years were great. Who knows. Maybe one day when I'm piss broke and can't afford to pay the monthly fees for my own domain, I might come back.

Until then . . .

It's been three and a half months since I was last employed. Throughout this time I have been, for the most part, very upbeat and optimistic about the future. I've kept myself busy by staying extremely active physically while also trying to keep myself in tune with what's going on right now in the world.

I can't say that I have been unhappy these past three and a half months. In fact, I've quite enjoyed myself these past few months. I've discovered that it takes very little to keep me sane and happy. I've cut out little luxuries like happy hour, partying and eating out, and guess what? I don't miss it at all.

But it's starting to take its toll on me. It hit me pretty hard this week. I've been applying to positions on a regular basis, but nothing's biting. The worst is when you get the impression that things went ok at an interview, and the interviewer says that you can expect to hear from him soon. I know it's just something they say out of courtesy, but even if they don't hire me, it would be great if they would actually contact me to let me know I wasn't hired. I can take rejection, so it's not that. It's waiting to hear from them and realizing I never will that kills me.

Maybe this is just a bad week. Or maybe this is just me coming to the conclusion that after three and a half months, shit isn't going to look any brighter. A large part of why this is really getting me down is my family's financial situation. My parents really need my  help right now and I'm just not in a position to do anything. I get unemployment insurance, which I'm very grateful for because it keeps me afloat, but it's just not enough.

I'm also very hesitant to meet up with friends who I haven't seen in a long time. I'm ashamed to tell people I'm unemployed. It's not as severe as it sounds, but believe me, you don't feel like a rock star when you tell people that you're not working and haven't been for three months. There are times when people ask me to go out to things and I tell them I can't make it. It sucks when they ask me why, because the real reason is I can't afford to. I don't mind saying that to my closer friends, but telling people I'm broke is not something I want to do often.

I don't expect this to be a permanent situation of course, and I know things will get better . . . but who knows. Just like the stock market, I haven't found the bottom yet. Maybe I'm there right now, and things will start to look up.

I turned the tv on a little bit ago and TMZ was showing and I have to say, I think paparazzi are the scum of the earth. I understand it's just a job and all, but the way these people revel in their work is disgusting.